I was in love with something that didn’t exist. Maybe it existed at some point in time but not anymore. For years now I’d been holding onto a dream, a fleeting memory that had failed to keep up with the times and was no longer reality.
How many times do we do this? Remember something or someone as they were in some distant time and fail to see how it’s changed.
This failure can promptly smack us in the face when you run headlong into that person or place and are shocked to find you hardly recognize it. There are familiar landmarks but everything that you had been holding onto in your mind is no longer. Why does this happen? It’s a way of coping, a form of hoping… trying not to grow up and change. Wishing things would go back and be just as they were turning a time when you thought everything was perfect and just what you wanted.
As I grow up and confront more and more in my life, I’m learning to accept this change. We can never go back. We can never be something that was in the past. People change and so do places. One can walk through the halls of their high school, but it’s not the same high school as when they were there. One can see a familiar face and rush in for a familiar embrace, only to find it’s hardly the same… that person has years and experiences on them and they are not the same person you once knew.
Looking at it from the other side, I’m no longer the person I was 6 months ago or 13 years ago. Views, values, priorities, relationships, goals, dreams and desires… it’s all changes. Does that mean I’m a terrible horrible no good very bad person? No, but if others can’t accept the changes it sure seems that way.
It’s February after all, the month of obnoxiously large teddy bears, chocolates, diamond, and hears. All the commercial ways we say “I love you”… and here I am talking about change and loss. But these go hand in hand. So why bring this up?
Well, because it’s important and I’ve been running into it right and left over the past few months. It doesn’t mean any of us are becoming bad people, but maybe it means our paths are going different ways. Perhaps they will intertwine again, maybe they won’t, but we will always have the memories. And as long as we remember the memories are not the present or the future, but a beautiful past, we can happily hold onto them.
All of my fiends from 10 years ago are engaged and getting married or still in school. They all have someone and I don’t. But I’m traveling the world and racing hundreds of miles against myself. How can I relate to them and they to me? What we have chosen to prioritize has set our lives in very different directions. Can we find a balance? Can we still find common ground without just taking about the past? Maybe some of us can… others no. There are people in my past that I can’t even be in the same room with and others I can see and it feels like no time has passed.
Is it best to let them fall away? Or do we fight to hold onto something that may never be again?
With only just hinting at my life stories, I’ll leave this here for you to think on and apply to your own. The short story- Don’t fall in love with a memory, fall in love with the present and try to keep up.